“After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.” ― Philip Pullman

I've officially been on maternity leave for almost 3 weeks now, and on sick leave for 2 weeks prior to that (which involved setting relief for my classes, marking, and tidying up some administrative stuff - not particularly taxing, compared to actually being at school). I couldn't quite make it another 7 weeks, as planned...and physically, I have felt SO much better for not teaching. I love teaching (hence this blog), and the best part of the job is definitely being in the classroom with the students, but towards the end that was what I really struggled with; by the end of a day of teaching my hips were so achy I could barely sleep at night. And on the Monday of my last week of school, I worked an 8 hour day straight with no breaks, and that was truly difficult (and disgusting - no-one should work an 8-hour day with no breaks, but that's just what happens when you are a teacher). Whoever knew that having an extra person attached to your front would make life just so much harder?! Well, it did. And it still does, but at least now I can lie in bed until I feel the need to get up, only think about myself and my needs (and the attached person), and take naps when I need to. Needless to say, pregnancy and teaching do not go particularly well together.

But I can't deny the fact that I felt a little...well...bored, a few days into that first week at home. I'm so used to being busy, and having a demanding job to drive me to do stuff, that I didn't really know what to do with my time. Yes, I know I've had school holidays in the last 9 years of teaching; if I got 'bored' I'd start doing some planning (which is the second most enjoyable part of teaching, I reckon), but I'm not going to be teaching for quite a while now, and thus planning units is not a productive nor satisfying use of my time. Yes, there's always baby-prep...but how much prep can you really do? We've got most of the bits and pieces (that we can actually think of at this point - no doubt there are some vital things missing), and there's only so much you can anticipate ("The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft agley", says my anxiety). Exercise is becoming more and more impossible; it now takes me twice as long to do half as many lengths of the pool than I used to do, and my daily walks around the Red Zone are becoming shorter, and slower, and more painful. So, I've turned to literature, because what else will allow me to lie on the couch and be a full-time incubator, whilst feeling like I can actually be productive and enjoy life?

Thus I'm 'reviewing' all I have read on maternity leave so far. Don't worry, I don't do spoilers :-)

The Beginner's Goodbye by Anne Tyler

I really like Anne Tyler's writing. NB: I'm really into realism. I want to believe that everything that is happening in a novel is actually real - the settings, the characters and the storylines. And this was definitely a  typical Anne Tyler novel, in that sense. It's about a 35 year old guy, who lives in suburban Baltimore with his wife (pretty much all of her novels are set in Baltimore, or the north-eastern part of the US, 'cos that's where she's from and it makes it so good when writers write about where, what and who they know). His wife is killed suddenly by a falling tree...and then she reappears. I won't say any more, other than it was quite good. But not GREAT good. My most recent favourite Anne Tyler novel is Digging to America; it's about two American families who adopt Korean babies, and it follows their journeys as they raise them. Digging to America resonated a lot more with me than The Beginner's Goodbye. I dunno why - I am 35, and have had more experience with death than raising a child at this point. But yeah, if you want to read a really good Anne Tyler novel, then I'm not sure this is the best one to begin with.

Flight Behaviour by Barbara Kingsolver

I was excited when I realised that Barbara Kingsolver had another novel out! I loved The Bean Trees (which I read many years ago when it was first published, and then re-read again about 5 years ago), and The Poisonwood Bible is a great novel. I'm pleased to say I really enjoyed Flight Behaviour too, although it's not up there with her other two novels that I hold in such high esteem. I really liked the narrative point of view - a young mum, living on a farm in the Appalachian mountains (yay again for setting texts in places the writer knows well - I guess this means if I ever write a novel I'll have to set it in 80s-90s Wellington and 2000-2010s Christchurch). She is unhappy in her life but a turning point comes when she becomes the first person to witness the migration of a swarm of Monarch butterflies from Mexico. The story is fairly involved, with some other rather interesting characters. Someone told me that they didn't bother reading this novel because they heard it was 'preachy'. And yeah, it was, but I still liked it. I like it when novelists deal with global issues (in this novel the global issue is specifically global warming and, to a lesser extent, capitalism) on a personal level. So I would recommend this novel, although it's not going to make it onto my list of 'best novels ever'.

Into the River by Ted Dawe

I first heard about this novel when it won the Best Young Adult Fiction and New Zealand Post Margaret Mahy Book of the Year award this year, and some people complained that it was too explicit for teens, so of course that got me interested right away! And it was a really interesting read - unique, gripping, honest, brutal at times, and sad. I read it partly with the question, "could I teach it?" in my mind. And the answer is no. And here's why. Firstly, it's one of those novels that doesn't clearly fit an age bracket, if you know what I mean. Stylistically, it's not hard to read at all (a Year 9 reading at Curriculum Level 5 could easiy get through it). But the ideas, events and themes are quite complex and thus I'd never get away with teaching to to Year 9s. Or Year 10s. Or Year 11s. Secondly, the structure of the novel is, I think, quite different to what you'd expect. It follows a 13 year old Maori boy who grows up on the East Coast and is then accepted into a prestigious
private school in Auckland. The first couple of chapters about about him - his whakapapa, his identity, and his relationships with his whanau. Then, when he moves to Auckland it all changes, and whilst it's still about his identity, and relationships, the contrast is so stark to the first couple of chapters that it is shocking and heartbreaking, and not a very pleasant read. And that's the point, I guess. Racism sucks. It's a really good coming-of-age novel, and I would definitely recommend it to certain students to read.  The explicit details didn't put me off - sex was dealt with realisitically, and I appreciated that. But in the end you pick your battles, and I prefer not to pick them with conservative parents of teens in a relatively white, middle-class Chch school.

If You Lived Here, You'd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High by Robin Hardwicke

So this is a collection of blog posts by a woman who has been writing about various 'teen
texts' she read when she was growing up (so it's very bloggy in writing style). She's about my age, and read all the Baby-sitters Club and Sweet Valley High (SVH) books as a pre-teen, in the late 80s/early 90s, just like I did. And then she re-read them again as a grown 30-something year old woman, and reviewed each book on her blog, The Dairi Burger. This book is a collection of all her posts about SVH. She critiques them from a feminist perspective (how could you not?) and from a literary perspective, and it is so enjoyable reading her critiques, having devoured the books 25 years earlier myself. Can I just point out, that SVH makes Twilight look like high-end, well-written, liberal literature. I mean, Twilight is not good reading (yes, I have read all four books) but it just cannot compare to the lazy writing of SVH. Yup, I read a lot of crap when I was young, and yup, it possibly did damage my mind/self-esteem a bit. But this collection of blog posts has made it all worthwhile, heh heh heh. I just wish I'd thought of this idea first. I recommend this book to anyone who read SVH when they were younger and would like to see it ripped to shreds now as an adult. Not sure how big the market is for that, but I fucking loved it. NB: You can buy it really cheap on Kindle, or go to her website and read the posts individually. Enjoy!

A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin

It's the fifth book in the A Song of Ice and Fire Series, and I'd been saving it for maternity leave all year. Don't worry - I'm not actually going to say much about it, 'cos I don't want to spoil it for anyone who is reading the books or watching the series. I did enjoy it a lot - more so than the last one (A Feast for Crows was great, just so very dark, and thus completely and utterly depressing), but I don't think it was as good as the first three books in the series, partly due to the way he structured the last two novels by only having certain characters in each novel (I know he had difficulties with this, and I forgive him, because the books are still gripping and well-written nonetheless). It is very cliff-hangery, which is cool, but now I'm worried that Martin won't get the next book in the series, The Winds of Winter, written and published next year as planned. All I want to say about this series really is that, if you haven't already read it, you should. I'm not really into fantasy (I'm a LOTR hater), but this series is really something special. The characters are complex, and the world Martin creates seems so real. And it is very, very readable. NB: The books are better than the TV series (which is still great, if a little gratuitous at times), but then I think that 99.9% of the time, of course.

And that's it so far. I started another novel today, but then fell asleep on the couch, which was bizarre and unprecedented, so I am wondering if maybe I will be switching to watching and reviewing films and TV series for my last few weeks of solitude...

Reflecting on the year so far...

One thing I’m looking forward to over the next few months is finishing work.

I feel guilty saying that. I really love my job - I feel like it’s important and rewarding and intellectually stimulating, and therefore it gives me lots of satisfaction. And my job at my current school is really great - it’s a lovely school, with lovely kids, and very smooth systems.

But it has been exhausting this year. No school in Christchurch has been exempt from post-quake disturbances. Even a state school with a ‘good reputation’ that parents all across Christchurch are clamouring to get their children into cannot escape the disruption and upheaval; last year, for the second year in a row, we had a CAPNA. And then this year there needed to be further budget cuts. So, Assistant HODs, such as myself, were no longer teaching 4 classes, but 4 and a half. Fortunately, I’m sharing a lovely, top-stream senior class with a fabulous colleague. Having said that, an increase in workload is still an increase in workload. So my colleague and I had to decide how to split our time teaching this class, and we agreed to do it term by term (which is much less disruptive and disjointed for the students than taking 2 periods each a week). I decided to begin the class off for the year - so I took them on for Term 1 (a 12 week term this year).

And then, exactly 3 weeks into the term I discovered I was pregnant. A week later, the horrible morning sickness kicked in. I felt so incredibly sick all day (especially in the mornings and evenings), every day, for well over 6 loooong weeks. But even if I hadn’t felt like vomiting all day, I think I still would have found the jump back up to teaching five classes really, really hard. I had not taught five classes for over three years and, to be honest, I forgot how bloody hard it is. Five classes meant I had 20 hours of ‘contact time’ a week. And then there’s all the planning and marking  and report-writing for 5 classes,  and formtime and meetings and duty and extra-curricula activities that make up way more than 20 hours a week and aren't counted as ‘contact time’.  Five classes is just so many. Too many. I don’t think any teacher should be on such a huge workload, whether they are unit-holders or not. Four classes/16 hours ‘contact time’ a week should be the norm for all non-unit holding teachers, I say.

I felt pretty guilty about how sub-par I was being as a teacher, yet I still kinda had to put myself first. I regularly ate in class (which my students now think was a wise decision - they’d rather their teacher eat in front of them than spew in front of them). I was exhausted and often made students come to me at my desk, instead of wandering around the classroom and checking on who might need help. I didn’t set my extension class enough homework. I didn’t make my Year 13s re-write their really crappy essays, when I really should have.  I even forgot to turn up to class one day - I’ve never done that before. Fortunately, I walked past my classroom 10 minutes into the period and saw my class, as was all “OH ****!!” inside my head, but then nonchalantly apologised for being so late and began the lesson - not a good look when you just lectured the class on being on time the day before.

Anyway, I survived that first term, somehow (I haven’t even talked about the horrendous anxiety I felt the whole first trimester, but that probably goes without saying), and so did my students. And term two was…better…? Mostly. It began well - I was back down to 4 classes (Yahoo! Though I had to catch up on a huge pile of admin stuff I didn’t do in Term One), and I felt like I had energy to do my job (no more sickness, yay). By the time I told my students,many of them had guessed, and 99% of those who guessed had not let on that they suspected, which I really appreciate. And now my students are super-cute about opening doors and picking things up for me and offering to push the sets of laptops around. Whoever said teenagers aren’t thoughtful and don’t have manners? They are all so much more polite than the goober  teacher who asked me, “Was it planned?”

But now that I am getting further and further into the second trimester, I must admit that I am getting more and more exhausted again. Term Two is always a biggie - so many assessments! (So much stress and agro amongst the teachers, and sometimes parents too! Ugh!) And whilst I don’t feel super huge yet, I am slowing down  - I had to leave the staffroom with a good 6 minutes spare to ensure I get to my classroom without rushing and pulling a ligament/slipping on ice. By each Wednesday I felt like the week should be at a close. Sleep has begun to evade me - terrible dreams + sore hips + foetus kicking my insides (+ horrible noisy road works) = very little quality sleep, even though I go to bed at 8:30pm at the latest and don’t get up until 6:45am. So the end of this second term was rather challenging, and I am a little alarmed at how thing will go next term; no doubt ERO will come see me period 5 and observe a forgetful, overly-tired zombie attempting to engage a bunch of Year 10 students in an English classroom.

So, for the sake of my health (physical, mental and emotional), I look forward to finishing work. And I am REALLY looking forward to not spending 8 hours of my weekend doing school work.  

But I am nervous about finishing work too - what will it be like, after 9 years in an all-consuming job in which I interact with well over a hundred people every day, to suddenly be at home with a single, tiny human being who can’t talk (initially) and will rely on me for the basic necessities of life?!? It is a truly freaky prospect. And then I think about returning to work in 2015 and having to teach AND parent…

Never mind. I’ll deal with that later. Only 7 weeks of school to go!

Road Rage

I like to think I’m a pretty patient person (although some people might disagree, I suppose…). I’d argue that most people who've lived in Christchurch for the past few years are also pretty patient people...but there’s nothing like the reconstruction of city infrastructure to test my (our) patience. In this post I summarise my personal experiences and frustrations over the past few months the on-going improvements to the roads in Christchurch. I suspect pretty much everyone else in this city is also pretty irked by constant road works,  but this is just my wee story (rant).

Imagine a cacophony of house-shaking, ear-piercing, teeth-grinding noises right outside were you live, 6 days a week, from 7am until 5:30pm. It is indiscriminate - it doesn't care if you are on holiday, or are sick in bed; the aural disturbance goes on and on and on. For almost the last four months (it began about two weeks before Christmas, if I remember correctly) the council has been installing a new water pump station in (in - not on) our street. This has involved digging a large hole in the middle of the road (just outside the neighbour’s house) and then ramming enormous metal rods into the ground, then installing the pump station, and then removing the enormous metal rods, amongst a variety of other tasks of which I have very little understanding, and that require lots of huge machinery. Fortunately, there was a two week break over Christmas and New Year’s. Unfortunately, the break was only for two weeks. The noise doesn't even stop at night - a temporary pump hums away, removing any excess water from the ground and transferring it into the drains; I’ve slept with earplugs in most nights to ensure I actually get some sleep. Various other senses are also battered. At times, it looks like a bomb-site outside my gate (piles of dirt, dust blowing over everything). There is water flowing along the guttering, resulting in a bright rust-coloured stain along the edges of the road; this water smells faintly of sewerage (and we’ve seen the local stray drinking from it, which made me feel a bit retchy). Our street is temporarily out of action as a thoroughfare - we are required to drive around the back and via a very munted Drive to reach the main arterial road to anywhere- which wouldn’t be so bad except the cats now bound across the road with reckless abandon, forgetting that at some point cars will again frequent the street.

And then there’s driving to work. My route, pre 6.3, was a pleasant 20 minute drive across the local bridge crossing the Avon River, and along the northern motorway into west Christchurch. This year, the bridge was closed for repairs in the New Year, and will remain closed for 8 months. So, I’ve been taking the detour, the longer route, across another bridge further east, where motorists have been asked to “expect delays up until July 2013”. And then a couple of days ago, on my way home, as I attempted to turn right onto my new route, I realised the road was blocked off. So I detoured further east and along yet another bridge. And then I realised that the main arterial route to my house was also closed, so I had to take yet another detour. SO MANY DETOURS. Ugh.

My only other option right now, in order to get to and from work and home is to traipse it through the ‘city centre’, across to the Westside, and then back again in the afternoon. But traffic sucks so much in Chch right now that I don’t really know if that will be any quicker. And before anyone suggests I bike to work, let me just remind you that the roads are very munted, and very busy, it’s over 15kms to my work (excluding detours), I leave my house in the morning whilst it’s still dark and I'm neither skilled at nor interested in cycling (and even if I was I am an overworked teacher that does not have a moment to spare on frivolities such as exercise on the way to work). Neither is moving cities an option, obviously.  Thank goodness the school holidays have just arrived!! No more driving to work for two whole weeks! Oh. For a moment there, I forgot about the roadworks outside our house.

So, there we go. It’s not the end of the world, I know; it’s just another thing that tests my patience (mental health?). But infrastructure repairs must be done. We’ve been told the work outside our house will be complete in another two-ish weeks. And the road works across the city won’t go on forever…will they? So, I am hopeful that deadlines will be met, and normality will return soon...whatever that might be.

"You don't win friends with salad..."

Ah school holidays; time for a non-school-related post. Following many conversations with friends this summer, and a recent article that reckons half of the population of this wee country is a member, I’ve chosen a topic I know we all have an opinion about - the good and the bad of Facebook.  I’d just like to preface this post by saying it’s all personal opinion and experience (as opposed to my posts about education where I like to think I at least have some credible research that supports what I’m saying). You might find that I don’t actually discuss things about Facebook (FB) that really piss you off, for example, advertising.Yeah, I’m not going into the issue of advertising because I really don’t notice it that much (I have an amazing ability to ignore ads AND I dislike shopping). Anyway read on at your peril; hopefully you won’t be offended J

Things I love about FB:

1. Living vicariously through other people’s travel photos. I especially like seeing nicely-composed pics of exotic locations and my friends enjoying themselves in said exotic locations. You do not have to use a fancy SLR camera, although I think the photos need to be at least not blurry most of the time for them to be effective. Travel photos are a bit of a tease, as there’s probably no way I’m going to be able to travel to and see everything that my friends have seen in my lifetime, but that’s life and thus I just simply enjoy viewing those of you who get to snuggle tigers in Thailand/swim in the Dead Sea at Christmas.
2. Cute/funny pet photos. Apparently this is not everyone’s cup of tea, although HOW ANYONE COULD NOT LOVE A KITTEN PHOTO IS BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION. I am happy for my newsfeed to be inundated by these. Cats, dogs, bunnies (can you cuddle a horse?) - post away.
3. When friends post links to cool websites/music/videos. This happens less often that I’d like, unfortunately. Some of my friends are great at this; I guess it takes a bit of time/energy…also, other social networking sites allow for such things in an easier way e.g. Tumblr, Pinterest.
4. Amusing status updates. Some of my friends are very smart and witty and should be encouraged to post more often. It’s hard to be funny though (I’m the first to admit that) and sometimes you get people who think they are funny but aren’t. But that’s OK - I reckon just assume you are funny (unless you are offensive - then see R below) and post away. We will either be laughing with you or at you; both are good.
5. Controversial status updates, and the comments that get made on them. This doesn’t happen often, which is probably just as well because conflict can be a bit stressful, and I generally try my best to avoid getting involved it in it; but when it’s between two of my friends then I am more than happy to observe. A bit of debate is healthy (whatever ‘healthy’ means). I may occasionally participate, although I try to save my energy for young people with more impressionable minds, hah.
6. Political posts. See F above. Also, see R below. I’m pro-political posts; as long as you are happy to discuss/argue, then post away.
7. Cute/funny kid photos.  This is a could-go-either-way one. Kids are awesome and tend to do lots of funny things. Also, kids + pets is a winner. I do think though that there are some consent issues with pics of children; in 10-20 years time is your child going to be happy that you posted a pic of them in their undies on the internet? I probably wouldn’t be… And like V, these things can be overdone.
8. Dissection and recommendations. For example, books, films, music, food. Pics are good; food items, especially desserts, can be beautiful. Also, if you’ve found something so tasty/mind-blowing that you think everyone else should get in on the action, then please say so - recommendations are always a great thing.
9. Being able to see what you friends on the other side of the world are up to, because you don’t know when you’ll get to see them again. 10 years can have gone by since you last saw them, but you know they are still alive and well, and still listening to Guns N Roses. Yay for them!!
10. Organising fun dates/catch-ups with friends via the messaging system. It’s actually useful!
11. Funky home-made businesses run by friends. So much talent, so many cute, unique items! Also makes shopping for presents easier.
12. Keeping in touch with ex-students. I love seeing what young people do with their lives. Can I just say though, that I am so glad that FB and Party Buses didn’t exist when I was 20…
13. Games. Scrabble, Tetris Battle, Mindjolt’s Combine and Bomboozle 2 are fun ways to spend your time.
14. Random things that I don’t have any special skills (or possibly interest) in but allow me to appreciate your skills/unique interests, for example, gardening. I can’t seem to tame nature in any way myself, but it’s always impressive to see it when other people can grow beans, or some random plant that originated in the Chatham Islands. Making clothes = awesome. Making cakes = awesome. Building stuff = awesome. A random part of a computer you built that is amazingly powerful = awesome.
15. Specialist groups like ‘I fucking love science’. I fucking hated science at high school - I really struggled with it (although I partly blame crap teachers and my school for that) but I fucking love science’s posts are pretty cool and I actually read stuff as a result of looking that them. The other day, I found out why the centre of our galaxy “smells like raspberries and tastes like rum”; they get 10 out of 10 in the ‘ability to appeal to an English teacher’ category.

Things I dislike about FB:

16. The whole ‘look at how great my life is’ thing/keeping up FB appearances. The while online persona thingy is quite complex. No one wants to look like crap/be a whinger. But personally, I find it quite refreshing when friends are NOT pretending their life is super-happy and together and beautiful. You were on the train and someone projectile vomited into your mouth? That is gross and horrible (but kinda funny) and therefore a welcome break from hearing about how fabulous life is. This is a tricky one though, because I often post photos of holidays and usually I look pretty happy in them - so am I guilty of this? Generally, I look happy because I really enjoy going away on holiday (and who frowns for the camera?)…but sometimes life is stink and depressing and I think it’s OK to talk about that on FB if you want. I guess part of life is learning to balance those ups and downs and I’d like FB to reflect that process. It’s tough to talk about horrible things though. 
17. Constant posts by people about one single topic. I’m thinking specifically of my two personal non-favourites: The Rugby World Cup and The Hobbit. FB actually grouped posts together for a while there, which is how I survived the RWC, but The frickin’ Hobbit did my head in. About a third of my friends who posted about this topic are Peter Jackson haters (I’m in this camp), a few are Peter Jackson lovers, and the leftover majority are undecided, which is a fairly good spread I suppose. I can’t blame people for posting about what they love/hate...so my question is, why doesn’t FB group same-topic posts anymore?!?
18. Finding out a friend is racist/sexist/homophobic/prejudiced in some other particularly horrid way. I am a fairly generous person so I will make allowances - you used a homophobic  term and you are under 25? You probably just haven’t really thought about your use of language carefully enough...maybe that’s a bit too lenient/kind of me though; I have pretty much no tolerance for racism or sexism, which this leads to an unfriending. Double-standards? Probably. But you pick your battles, and your opponents, I guess.
19. Show-y PDA posted publicly on FB. For example, Wife à Husband: “Happy 4^th Anniversary - you are the best husband ever!!” That’s great you think that (although I don’t really understand the criteria…they seem to vary from marriage to marriage) but you could have just told them that in person (and not made all the single people who would like to be in a couple feel a bit stink). Also, assuming FB is around for a while, do I have to see this post every year??
20. Too many check-ins. I don’t generally want to stalk my friends, but if I did, you are making it very easy for me. Also, if you check in at a fancy place every day for a week then I am actually able to calculate how much you spent on your holiday…having said that, if you post a pic of awesome place/food item then this is a kind of recommendation and I’m OK with that.
21. Unfriending. Once you’ve friended someone, it’s actually really hard to unfriend them unless you can guarantee you’ll never see them ever again. So you can’t unfriend family (although I noticed that a relative unfriended me a while ago, so maybe it’s OK…?). What is useful about FB is you can always put someone on a ‘Restricted’ list and then hide all their posts from your newsfeed, which means you pretty much can’t see each other’s stuff. But some people are dicks and I just don’t want to be connected to them any more.
22. Too many baby-photos. This is a touchy one (and closely linked to G), but I’m going to make a call and say that there can be too many. Babies grow super-quickly, and I know you want to capture their development in as much detail as possible. But I’m not sure everyone else does too. We don’t all have cute little ones running around to dote on (for various reasons) and babies don’t actually DO much. Consent issues apply here too (see H), and actually, you can make albums just for you and your partner (or whoever you want to include). NB: It’s totally OK to post heaps of pics if there are lots of kittens in the pics with the baby. Or the baby is in an exotic location each time.
23. ‘Life events’. Yes, buying a house is most likely a life event (there’s nothing like the prospect of 25 years of debt to change your spending habits). Having a baby is almost definitely going to be a life event. The death of your partner/child is also definitely a life event…but no-one’s gonna put that on FB; it’s just not fun/beautiful enough. And as for other stuff - it’s actually really hard to know what will be a ‘life event’ until you’ve seen the impact it’s had on your life. So I kinda hate this option on FB. But it exists, so I encourage people to use it for whatever they want, e.g. getting the hire-score in a game, buying a new car etc.
24. Hastagging # on FB. It’s not Twitter, you know! No, you are not referencing pop-culture - you are just being unoriginal. Please write a proper sentence!
25. ‘Insiprational’ posts. More often than not they are just irritating. I’m not inspired personally by sports-people. Likewise, I find most ‘inspirational’ quotations simplistic and lame.  I’ve come to the conclusion that inspiration is pretty subjective. Just be yourself (unless ‘being yourself’ is posting lots of inspirational messages) and you’ll possibly inspire me in some way without actually trying.
26. Why has nothing better than FB emerged yet?

"How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain."

Yesterday, I went to the Protest Rally in Christchurch. I wrote this post beforehand. The Rally was good and thus I’ve decided to post what I wrote. I can’t not say anything, after all.

Just over two years ago, Christchurch was the ‘second-largest city in New Zealand’. And over the past two years I’ve watched it crumble and shrink, just like everyone else living here. As a resident of east Christchurch, and as a teacher, the shrinkage (heh) is obvious. Swathes of houses in my suburb are currently being demolished - every day after I get home from school, I go for a walk and watch as a bulldozer pulls down yet another once-was-home. The weird thing is, it’s hard to picture each individual house in my mind after it is gone; I can remember how the street looked, but individual houses and their details seem to escape me. As a teacher in a west Christchurch school it’s obvious to me that, even in the more affluent suburbs, families have left for better lives elsewhere. In every class I’ve taught over the past two years, at least one student has up and left because their family decided to move elsewhere -  to Auckland, Wellington, Tauranga, the Gold Coast. And I must admit, I’m always a little bit jealous (except for the ones moving to the GC...). My school has a falling roll, and it’s most likely going to go through a CAPNA for a second year in a row. Yet, we are one of the lucky ones.

Schools have proven to act as a strong support network during hard times in this city. Many set up as (official and unofficial) welfare centres after Feb 22. Schools provided children with stability during a time of massive upheaval - many of the students I teach have moved two or three (or more) times since Feb 22. Schools have also dealt with a considerable amount of anxiety and emotional stress in young people; all over Christchurch schools have experienced a heightened level of disruptive behaviour this year. At a time like this, what Christchurch schools and communities need is more support; not school closures, or the prospect of seemingly-impossible mergers.

So there’s nothing like a shock announcement in week nine of term three to knock you when you’re down (such impeccable timing and delivery...). And the government’s proposal for Christchurch schools was really shocking. I’d heard rumours about possible school closures, and I know to never trust a National government to pour money into public education, or to even consult with teachers and principals about sweeping changes, but still, they were shocking, and hurtful too.

I’m definitely not a conservative; I argue against preserving the cathedral (much to everyone else’s dismay). And I’m not someone who thinks that schools are perfect as they are - there are definitely things that can be improved in the NZ education system. As I said earlier, I have witnessed the declining numbers. But I just don’t see how culling and merging schools is a progressive step for this city.

Closing (or merging? It’s a little unclear…) schools like Phillipstown - a school that provides not only a quality education for its local students, but also food if the kids need it - is just cruel. I live just around the corner from Avondale Primary - the government’s plans are to merge it into a ‘cluster’ with Woolston Primary, Chisnallwood Intermediate, and Aranui High School. That’s a pretty weird plan - Chisnallwood is right next door to Avondale (although it’s very different in terms of school culture), but Wainoni and Aranui aren’t that close by at all. That’s a fairly large catchment area across all four schools, and a huge range of age groups to cater for on one site. And what site would they all be located on exactly…? The whole thing seems preposterous. It fairly obvious that the proposal has significantly increased the level of uncertainty and anxiety that already exists in so many Christchurch communities.

So, why would the government make such ridiculous plans? Money. It’s blatantly obvious that Christchurch is simply being used as an excuse for the Right to slash and burn. Instead of investing in children’s education, the government wishes to remove as much funding from public schools as possible. Same old shit. Oh except they might chuck in a charter school somewhere along the line - eastside, I’m guessing. Ugh!

As for the future; I look forward to a new central library, to a new 50 metre pool, to strolling through the extensive green-belt of the new city centre and stopping for lunch at a delicious new eatery. But now also hope that we can save the local schools. I've come to realise life in Christchurch is not going to be about sitting it out and waiting for things to happen; it’s also going to be about fighting to preserve the good things we already have - at least, it will be for the next two years... We’ve got to ensure that walking to and attending the local school does not escape our collective memory.

Shitty, shitty life.

These last few months have been very difficult; at times I’ve felt like I've been living in the vortex of unluckiness. Three months ago today I was in hospital waiting to see if I’d be released on not; I had learned that I’d miscarried exactly a week before.

It was my 12-week scan and I was SO excited about seeing a tiny, live foetus inside me. Unfortunately, as soon as that ultrasound machine touched my stomach, a series of rather devastating events followed. I learned it had died a while ago (it was a ‘missed miscarriage’). I made   a decision about what to do. There were complications; I stayed in hospital for two days (and met a racist nurse; “Do you want to bring in your own food? Oh, that question is mostly for the Indians and the Chinese. I don’t know how they can eat that stuff…”). The nurses were actually lovely (except for the racist one who seemed super-nice until that moment when I realised that a) she was racist, and b) she thought that over-cooked, salty, flaccid hospital food was somehow superior to any other sort of food). I now have a renewed appreciation of the free health system (with the exceptions of the food and that nurse), though I wish I didn’t.

Grief is a really overwhelming process. To add to the mess, my body continues to behave in random, unpredictable, and frustrating ways. Quite a bit of my confidence, along with my innocence, has been slain. I wrote about it, numerous times, and each time I decided against posting what I wrote. But I’m posting today because eventually horrible stuff needs to be talked about, and because I’m trying to focus on recovery.

These are the things I have found that have helped, in no particular order:

• Talking. It doesn’t really feel like it helps sometimes, but I’m fairly certain it does. Sometimes I feel a bit ‘pay attention to me and my horrible experience’ when I'm talking about it. I have talked about my experience with friends who have also experienced miscarriages - with some friends in more detail than with others - and it has been helpful. I realise that every miscarriage is a really different (though often devastating) experience. Talking to friends and family who haven’t experienced miscarriages has also been helpful; after all, I appreciate any form of support I can get, no matter how much someone might not be able to comprehend what I’ve been through.

• Crying. It’s so dehydrating and not a great evening-wind-down strategy, but I always feel just a little bit better for crying. It is a release, if nothing else.

• School. School has been great, because teenagers (and teachers) are rather self-absorbed, and so I’ve had a daily opportunity to not think about what happened to me, to us, and just focus on the teaching and learning of young people. My students were pretty alarmed at the fact that I disappeared for over a week, with no explanation (my two favourite questions were: “Was it an STD, Miss?”, and, “Was it mental?”), but they were very happy to have me back which made it so much easier to be there. I love my job; it gives me purpose when nothing else seems to.

• Facials. These are definitely the most enjoyable thing that's helped. I initially booked my first facial because my skin was so incredibly terrible; I had massive under-the skin-pimples as a result of my body’s hormones being all over the place. The facial was amazing. Not only was it incredibly relaxing - my scalp, face and shoulders were continually cleansed and massaged - but my skin looked so smooth and shiny and clean afterwards. Then some lovely friends gave me a voucher for a facial. I’m hooked.

• Support of a loving partner.

• Exercise. I’d like to say that it’s been super helpful (and it has, in theory) - the problem has been that my miscarriage coincided with the onset of winter, which, as usual, has resulted in many rainy days, colds, and an inability to warm up without injuring myself. Continued exercise is one of my long-term plans though, and I am looking forward to the end of winter when I can really get stuck into my swimming, walking and weight-lifting. It’s good to know my legs, arms and core can increase in strength when it seems like my body is working against me.

So there we have it; the last 3 months of my life briefly summarised in approximately 900 words.  I guess you might ask why I bothered posting this. My answer is, I want to move on and write posts for my blog without feeling like I’ve avoided something fundamentally life-changing. I also don’t want to remain silent on what seems to be a fairly common occurrence (although, NB - it’s not actually a reassuring thing to hear that miscarriages are “common”. Neither is “at least you can conceive”….maybe I should write a ‘what not to say to people who've had miscarriages’ page. Oh wait - it’s been done already).I guess I just want people to know how I’ve been feeling, and why. Finally, I hate not talking about stuff. And anyway, it’s my blog, and I’ll cry if I want to.

Reading is cool (but misuse of data and ghettoising of students is not)

NB: I wrote this post about 2 weeks ago but never go round to editing and posting it. I'm currently almost completely brain-dead, so here it is,  only vaguely edited and very, very late.


I always find it really hard to decide what to write about on my blog - not because I can’t think of anything to write about, but because I find it difficult to decide which topic to explore. It’s also quite challenging accurately estimating a topic I can explore and discuss in one post without spending over one and a half hours writing and editing it…


So, this post’s potential topics of discussion were:
a) streaming and how it sucks
b) John Hattie’s work and how it’s actually valuable despite the fact that it’s been twisted by the National government to serve their selfish, stingy purposes
c) Literacy and how it’s really important yet really complex


‘a)’ This would be a reactionary (but very well-informed) post in response to working in a school that streams its students. Just to clarify, streaming is when you rank students from top to bottom (usually on English, Maths and/or Reasoning Skills) and then place students in classes accordingly. This means that there is always a ‘bottom stream’ classes (or maybe classes) and ‘top stream’ classes, and everything in between. This year I teach one of the two bottom stream classes; they are my form class and I teach them English. My class can be challenging to teach, but every student in there is an individual with so much potential, and so much to offer. They might be, academically, at the bottom of the cohort, but I am confident that, with the right guidance, they can all do very well in school, and do very well in whatever they choose to do with their lives. So I’m glad I teach them, even though I hate streaming. So, if I like my class so much, why do I hate streaming? 


• Because it labels them. The students in my class have been labelled ‘bottom-stream’ and ‘low-ability’ since day one at high school. I never told them they were one of the 'bottom' classes. They figured that out themselves. Many of my students have low self-esteem, and the streaming isn’t helping.


• Because it disadvantages them. Teachers know from Day 1 that they are a bottom stream class and they set their expectations accordingly. To add to this, students in bottom stream classes are not sitting in classrooms where they have high achievement modelled to them by other students.


• Because streaming in itself has not proven to actually raise the achievement of students in streamed classes.  Many schools stream students - often making the lower-stream classes slightly smaller than a top-stream class- and then expect these ability groupings to somehow raise the learning and achievement of these students.  Very little extra support for the students and teachers is provided. And that’s stink. Teachers need training and support if they are to lift up the literacy and numeracy levels of students who have been working well below where they should be for quite some time. The teachers of these classes are not simply ‘teaching content’ (not that I would argue teachers of any classes are - see the NZ Curriculum - but some high school teachers still believe that is their primary role). Also, just to bring it back to the research,  John Hattie’s work has shown that streaming has a 0.05 effect size. BOOM. Which brings us to b)


b) Teachers love to hate on John Hattie. Don’t get me wrong - I can certainly see why. His research has essentially been used by the New Zealand government to increase class sizes in schools across the country. My largest class this year has 29 students in it. Some of my friends (in other schools) are teaching classes of 35. There’s no need to explain how hard that is, eh.


Class sizes are determined by the amount of funding each school receives from the government. Thus, more money = more teachers = smaller class sizes. So it’s obviously going to result in a big thumbs down from teachers for any research that supports a government taking money away from schools and making their workload significantly larger than it is already.


But I’m going to defend Hattie here, kinda. He’s not to blame for how the government has used his data. Hattie’s research looked at the most influential factors in relation to student achievement. Feedback was at the top of the list with a 1.13 effect size (and I don’t see the government pouring training into professional development on Feedback…). He NEVER said that class sizes don’t matter. He just calculated that class size has a -0.05 effect size (see Physical Attributes of the School). He was looking at student achievement, not teacher workload, teacher stress or teacher mental health. Obviously, this is not a particularly holisitic way of looking at education, but student-centred research is certainly valid - after all, aren’t we in it for the students? (Aside: if you haven’t read Russell Bishop’s student-centred research then you should - it’s all about student voice, using student narratives, and it’s super valuable; I don't have a link, sorry. Anyway, the National government then took that piece of Hattie’s data and de-contextualized it for its own purpose - to provide less money for schools. BLERGH. And now onto c)


c)  Literacy is my passion. To summarise, literacy is the ability to read confidently, to write coherently, and think critically about the written word. I know that ‘literacy’ is a pretty broad term in that it can also include the ability to understand all forms of communication, but I guess the literacy I’m most concerned with is the skills of reading and writing. A large proportion of students I teach have relatively low literacy levels. Students should, according to the NZ Curriculum, be reading and writing on the cusp of curriculum levels 4 and 5 when they enter Year 9. Many are in fact reading and writing well below this. And this has huge implications for these students’ achievement, and their happiness, at high school and beyond. Therefore, literacy is all connected up with self-esteem. And it’s also all connected up with privilege and socio-economics, and power too. That’s all pretty heavy stuff, so I think I’ll leave this topic for another day…


So it appears that I have (briefly but fairly satisfactorily) explored two of the three biggest educational issues swirling around in my head right now. 


To conclude:


• I actually really love my school but as long as it streams students and then does very little else for those students in the bottom streams, I don’t think it is working towards better learning and achievement outcomes for students.
• Teachers need to stop the hating on John Hattie and instead look at the research and what it actually means and question how it has been manipulated by the Right (although I always encourage suspicion and questioning of those held up on a pedestal).
• Literacy is so important that I’m going to have to write at least one or more post on it.